


i promise i'm not

by aishiteArtemis



Series: nobody believes kokichi [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25892977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishiteArtemis/pseuds/aishiteArtemis
Summary: his confession to shuichi having gone pretty wrong, kokichi tries to get his crush to understand that he can tell the truth.this is the second part of a series, please go and read part one first or you'll likely be very confused.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: nobody believes kokichi [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878961
Comments: 6
Kudos: 119





	i promise i'm not

Kokichi awoke with bleary eyes filled with sleep dust and a complete sense of apathy for the day. He lay there, motionless, for who knows how long, just staring up at the ceiling blankly. At the moment, he honestly did not care whether he lived or died. If some assailant had burst into the room at that moment, he was sure he would have simply continued to lie there limply with no resistance.

Eventually, he somehow found the energy to drag himself out of bed, and proceeded with his daily routine as robotically as Kiibo. He dressed, found his shoes, cleared away the small army of paper balls he'd created last night. Stared into his own blank eyes in the mirror.

He was annoyed, really. With himself mostly. Kokichi _wanted_ to be annoyed at Shuichi, and fool himself that he was just an idiot who didnt deserve him, but deep down he knew that _he_ was the one who didn't deserve Shuichi. It was perfectly reasonable for Shuichi not to believe him. He was just a lying, selfish idiot. He stared into his own eyes and hated what he saw there.

Shuichi's rejection had been a rude awakening for the boy, but possibly could be a good thing in the long run, because it was making Kokichi take a good hard look at himself.

So he thought, _What am I going to do about it?_

...

He could change.

The idea sent a strange feeling through Kokichi's body. It began at his toes and worked its way up. Apprehension (it must be very difficult to change for someone), doubt (would it even be enough? Should he risk changing himself and exposing his feelings?) ... but some hope in there too. 

Kokichi looked back up at the mirror, took a deep breath and nodded. Yeah, he could do this, or at least try, for Saihara-chan's sake. He smiled slightly and headed out of the room.

The boy had evidently slept in somewhat, as he could hear the sounds of the other students talking and getting themselves breakfast. Probably not by much though, as someone would likely have been sent to check he hadn't died overnight. 

The first person Kokichi happened to come across was Miu. She spotted him and pursed her lips, probably in anticipation of some rude remark. And indeed, Kokichi opened his mouth ready to say his usual putdowns, and they were almost out of his mouth when he remembered. _Oh yeah, I'm going to change_. Glad to avoid breaking his streak so early on, Kokichi twisted his mouth into the friendliest smile he could muster, and simply said, "Good morning, Iruma."

Miu was silent for a few seconds, clearly expecting him to continue and insult her, but when no such thing came, she narrowed her eyes, half suspicious, half confused. "What's up with you?"

Kokichi fought his urge to spin some massive story about how the real Kokichi had been abducted and he was a clone, and told the truth. "Nothing much. I didn't get much sleep, but other than that..."

Miu shook her head disbelievingly, and walked off. "Whatever. You're acting weird."

He sighed. Well, it was a start, he supposed.

The purple haired boy continued through to the kitchen. He greeted several of the students he met there, and was met with the same suspicion, but at least no one seemed to be annoyed with him. He noticed Shuichi in the corner, but because he was with Kaede and his warning to leave him alone from last night, Kokichi decided to keep his distance for the time being. Instead, he offered him an awkward, closed mouth smile, which the other boy observed but did not return.

Huh. Way to discourage him, but alright.

Kokichi heard whispering behind him, so he concentrated and tuned in.

“What’s up with Kokichi? Is it some kind of body swap? Or personality swap? Like, as a motive or something?”

“Body swap? How would that even work? You’re crazy if you think Monokuma would use a motive like that.”

“I know, but to be honest nothing surprises me any more. This place is crazy, and not in a good way.”

“Yeah.”

Kokichi sighed. Maybe the change was too abrupt or something. Doubt crept back into his mind again. Would anyone ever believe him, or would they always convince themselves he was just lying? Before now, he’d never realised how many pitfalls he’d created for himself with his constant deceit. Just another thing to curse himself for.

When he went to bed that night, Kokichi had successfully been nice to everyone almost all day, and told only a few white lies (and these were only to be polite). He was also absolutely bone tired. Who knew being nice could be so damn exhausting? Once again, he felt tempted to slip back into his old ways, but he shook his head and snapped out of it.

Kokichi yawned loudly, and had just enough energy to get somewhat ready for bed before he could not keep his eyes open any longer, and collapsed on the bed.

Although tired, Kokichi slept straight through the night for the first time in what felt like forever. Possibly due to the reduction in the guilt that usually plagued his mind.

-

Shuichi’s hat was missing. Kokichi knew this because Shuichi had first walked through all the hallways looking for it, then asked everyone, even him, if they had seen it, and when all the answers came back negative, accused him of stealing it. So that was where they were now.

"I'm not a hat-stealer, Saihara-chan. Why would I want your hat anyway?" Kokichi defended. To be fair, he did actually have an idea (it would probably smell of Shuichi, and that would be comforting), but Shuichi always had it and would definitely go looking for it. Also, was it too creepy to have things that smelled of your crush? Besides, the idea was irrelevant as he hadn't taken it.

"Forgive me if I don't believe you," Shuichi replied, scowling down at the smaller boy.

"Forgiven, but it's the truth. I wouldn't tell a lie about that."

Shuichi looked like he was about to argue, but he was interrupted by a call from Kaede. "Shuichi, I found it. It's.. not good though."

His curiosity getting the better of him again, Kokichi followed him and joined the two of them where they stood, looking down at the hat. If it could even be called that any more. It was lying on the ground, in a dusty corner, and in several pieces. Whether the hat had been cut or torn or otherwise was too difficult to tell, but it was nonetheless destroyed.

"I'm sorry, Shuichi," Kaede said. "It is just a hat though, you can probably survive without it."

"Yeah," Shuichi agreed, but Kokichi could tell he was upset, although he was clearly trying to hide it.

Well, he couldn't have that, could he? Even if Shuichi didn't like him much at the moment, Kokichi still liked him, and he wondered what he could do to cheer him up. He quickly realised the possibilities were rather limited, seeing as he couldn't get close to him. That left him with one plausible option: get Shuichi a hat somehow.

Maybe he could fix it? But one look at the pieces of fabric on the floor, which barely looked anything like a hat any more, made him realise that wouldn't be possible. He'd probably have to make another one.

However, it took Kokichi, devoid of any hat-making skills, a long while to come up with a solution. He'd probably have to ask for help (he wrinkled up his nose. This was not something he often did). But who? Running through the talents of his classmates (or at least, the ones he knew), none of them were seeming to match up- Tsumugi! She was the ultimate cosplayer, not ideal, but maybe she'd made hats before for cosplays.

Knocking on her door later that day, Kokichi was painfully reminded of standing outside another door, but tried to ignore that and the pang in his chest because of it as best he could.

Tsumugi opened the door, and smiled. "Hello there, Ouma-kun."

Kokichi grinned back. "Hey, Shirogane-san. I was wondering if you could help me out with something."

Although several of the other students were still pretty cold and suspicious of him, he had made a few friends over the last week (being nice was worth it!), one of which being Tsumugi. It was an odd, tentative friendship, but a friendship nonetheless, and Kokichi felt a little less lonely for it.

"Depends," Tsumugi replied ambiguously. "What is it?"

"Do you know how to make hats? I thought you might have made one for a cosplay."

'I do actually know. Here, you'd better come in then."

Kokichi nodded and walked inside, Tsumugi shutting the door behind him. "Do you have a pen?" Kokichi asked. "I'll sketch it out for you."

"I don't think you need to. Saihara's hat, right?"

Kokichi was more than a little surprised, but replied, "Yeah."

"Well, I have some stuff like needle and thread, but I don't know if I have material in that colour," Tsumugi explained.

"Hmm..." Kokichi pondered, then had a brainwave. "I guess I could use !y cloak, it's a similar enough colour."

"Excellent," nodded Tsumugi. "and I have white so we should be good. Do you know anything about sewing?"

"Mmm, not really, but it can't be that hard, can it?" he said.

"Okay, I'll show you some stitches and things and you can practice them, then."

-

It took Kokichi several days, but finally he had made a product he was proud of. The hat he'd made was fairly similar to the original one, although it had a more homemade look because of the areas where Kokichi had messed up a bit. Still, he personally thought it still looked pretty good.

Probably worth his painful fingertips created by accidentally poking himself with the needle, the sleepless nights and subsequently the dark circles under his eyes that Tsumugi said made him look like L (well, at least he knew who that was now. He'd watched several Death Note episodes with her while he was sewing, since the latter was pretty boring to do by itself for long periods of time.)

"Go on then," Tsumugi said now. "Go give it to your man."

"My... huh?"

"C'mon, it's not that hard to work it out. You spent days on a hat for him and I see the way you look at him."

Kokichi hid his face. "It's... that obvious? That's embarrassing. Well... I'll be going then..."

"See you."

He soon found Shuichi and shyly shuffled up to him. "Hey, Saihara-chan, I made something for you."

Shuichi looked at him with suspicion, but then on seeing what Kokichi was holding out, his expression changed to one of surprise. "You... Is that my hat?"

"Mm hmm, I made you a new one," he said nervously. "I hope you like it."

"I do, thank you, Ouma," Shuichi replied, giving him the smallest of smiles and putting the hat on his head.

"Kokichi will do."

"Mmm." he said noncommittally as he walked away, albeit with more of a spring in his step than before, Kokichi noted. He grinned and headed off himself, keeping a normal gait, but in his mind he hopped and skipped ecstatically back to his room. It had worked! It had actually worked!

-

Since the hat incident, Shuichi had thawed to Kokichi quite a lot. He didn't exactly go up to him and start a conversation, but he didn't object if Kokichi came up to hi!, and would often talk to him in such instances. In short, it was another uneasy friendship for Kokichi to collect, the only real type that could reasonably be formed within a killing game where anyone could turn on you. But he was still very grateful.

However, being closer to Shuichi was not doing much for his smoothness. Not that he wouldn't trade it for the extra time, but it was rather annoying. He was so often flustered and it was quite difficult to hide. But he'd survive.

At the current moment, he and Shuichi were eating lunch together. Well, Kaede was there, and Kokichi had sat down across from them, but it still counted in his eyes.

Kaede's presence was a little annoying for him. She was one of the ones who were still very suspicious of him, and she clearly couldn't understand why they'd suddenly turned from enemies to tentative friends. Then again, she didn't know the significance of the hat. To be completely fair, he didn't exactly know the significance of the hat either, but at least he could tell it was significant. They had a mutual dislike for each other, so this made lunch quite awkward.

Fortunately, at one point Kaede excused herself to use the bathroom, and he and Shuichi were left alone. It took Kokichi a little while to realise Shuichi was staring at him. Rather glad of the excuse to look at his crush's pretty eyes, he turned and met his gaze. Shuichi's eyes were almost sparkly, and Kokichi imagined constellations of stars in them as he looked, drawing mental lines between the highlights.

Shuichi broke the silence, and the stare, by asking, "Why are you trying to be nice to me, Kokichi?"

Impulsively, Kokichi decided to reply with "Isn't it obvious? I like you."

Shuichi paused, then looked away. "No you don't. That's not even true, is it?"

Kokichi was silent, and they remained that way until Kaede returned and started a conversation with Shuichi about some music thing.

Would he ever even believe him?

-

Kokichi awoke, as if from a long dream. The details of it were quickly slipping away from him, but there had been... a killing game? The last thing he remembered was a hydraulic press, and thinking, _No no no, I don't want to die, no, I can't leave Shuichi, help!_

He shuddered. It had been an unpleasant dream, clearly.

"K-Kokichi?" he heard.

"Saihara-chan?" Kokichi replied in surprise, opening his eyes abruptly. It really was him! "Saihara-chan, I had the weirdest dream. We were all in a killing game, and-"

He cut off when he noticed his surroundings. Why was he in a hospital? He fiddled with the wristband around his wrist, which read 'Kokichi Ouma'. His name. "Why am I here? Why are you here?"

Shuichi sighed and looked down at his shoes from the chair he was sitting in by Kokichi's bed. "I don't know how to say this, but... that wasn't a dream, it was real. Well, actually, on second thoughts, maybe try to think of it as a dream if it helps. I haven't found anything like that yet myself."

"So... I nearly died? And Kaede, Gonta, Rantaro, all of them... they're all really dead?"

"Y...Yeah. Tsumugi was the mastermind, turns out. But we got out, Kokichi. We escaped, we're... alive."

The betrayal of Tsumugi stung quite a lot, but Kokichi tried to blot it out for the time being. Best to unpack that later.

The two of them were silent for several minutes, just digesting what had happened. Kokichi felt guilty, so many others hadn't made it, but happy, because he, and probably more importantly Shuichi had, but then the guilt returned ( _he shouldn't be happy!_ ). The cycle repeated several times before Kokichi decided to break the silence.

"Saihara-chan, can I give you a hug?"

Shuichi blinked, but he stood up from where he was sitting and, walking over to where Kokichi lay, he replied with a simple, "Yes."

To be honest, they seemed to be clinging to each other like survivors of a shipwreck, desperate not to be swept away and lost to the sea. And that was okay with Kokichi. To be honest, he never wanted to let go, even if and when they finally washed ashore. He was alive, and he was alive with Shuichi, and that was enough for him right now.

-  
  
Real life, it turned out, could often be even more difficult that the killing game. For a start, nobody had any idea how old he and Shuichi were. Tsumugi had not exactly kept any records, and as their past memories were hazy at best, they didn't know either. The age thing might not have seemed to be very important, but since they didn't know whether or not they were minors, nobody could agree what to do with them. Neither of them remembered any relatives, so they would likely have to go to an orphanage. Shuichi could remember an uncle, but couldn't recall his name, and Kokichi remembered an organization he'd led called D.I.C.E, but they weren't relatives, he didn't have the first clue where to find them, and anyway nobody believed him ( _that_ little kid, leader of a secret organization?)

In the end, Shuichi had had enough of the arguments and told them he had remembered that they were both seventeen.

Sitting in a car on its way to the orphanage they were being sent to, Shuichi admitted, "I honestly still don't have a clue, but I can probably pass as seventeen, so..."

Kokichi laughed. "Nishishi, I think that's one of the first lies I've ever heard you tell."

"Mmm... Maybe."

"Hey, at least I always admitted my lies after I told them."

"Not always."

The two of them sat in the comfortable silence Kokichi was becoming pleasantly accustom to, until he suddenly had a thought. "Saihara-chan? Were we the only survivors?"

"No, there were... a few more, but the social worker people moved them away, somewhere else. They tried to move me as well, but I wouldn't let them."

...

"Why did you stay?"

Shuichi laughed dryly. "Well, _someone_ had to explain this whole mess to you when you woke up. Besides, I thought we were friends?"

Friends? Friends would... do. He was just glad to have Shuichi still around. "Yeah. Thank you, Saihara-chan."

"Shuichi."

"Shuichi. Thank you."

-

Kokichi didn't like the orphanage itself much, nor the kids in it. He had made an attempt to talk to the other kids there, but one day one of them had shown him one of those tiktoks where they crushed things, and Kokichi ended up on the edge of a panic attack, resulting Shuichi almost beating the shit out of the kid. To be fair, the kid was likely doing it completely innocently, as he hadn't really talked about his trauma regarding that. But the kids kept away from them now.

Shuichi and him shared the attic room, as it was the only one that was free. Two days into their stay, Kokichi noticed a concealed trapdoor on the ceiling, which led up onto the roof. The two of them found it was a great place for stargazing.

"Great night for it," Shuichi commented. They had recently discovered Shuichi was fascinated by the stars (they had not been able to see the sky in the school, so he didn't know). "The stars are beautiful."

Kokichi privately thought the ones in Shuichi's eyes were prettier, but instead of vocalising that, he simply agreed. "Yeah. I'm glad we got out of there, if only because you can see stars now."

Shuichi lay back on the slates. "I mean, that's one reason." He laughed, and Kokichi was suddenly struck by how beautiful he was when he did that. It was so overwhelming, and all he could do was watch until he was done.

"Sai- Shuichi?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Silence.

"...That's a lie, isn't it?"

Kokichi paused, then said what he thought was almost the most sincere thing he had ever said. "No, it's true. I would never lie about somethng as serious as that. I never have."

Shuichi just stared at him for a while, then sighed. "And neither should I. I'm sorry, Kokichi, I've been an idiot."

"You haven't-"

"Ssh, I'm not done!" he said, putting his finger over Kokichi's lips. ( _He was going to pass out._ ) "As I was saying... I love you too, Kokichi."

"Y-You do?"

"Yes."

"Well... that's good."

"Yeah, good."

Silence fell again, but it was more awkward than before.

"Shuichi?" Kokichi asked. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please do," the other boy breathed.

So he did. And it was a little awkward and odd at first, neither really sure what they were doing, but it was everything Kokichi had wanted, and way, way more. Breathless, he broke apart from him to come up for air.

"That was..."

"Uh, yeah... I..." Shuichi stumbled. "Kokichi, can we do it again?"

He nodded, so Shuichi kissed him back, they did it several more times, and Kokichi had never felt happier in his life.

After a while, he did start to get sleepy, as it was fairly late. Shuichi didn't mind, so he rolled onto his side, and with Shuichi's warm arm around his shoulders, he soon dozed off.

A moment before he fell asleep, however, Kokichi smiled. It seemed like karma had paid him back in full.

**Author's Note:**

> agh, these dorks, i just can't let them not have a happy ending  
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed this sequel. i'm pretty sure it's about twice as long as the first one, but i couldn't find a natural place to split it, and also then i couldn't do the clever story names (did you notice those?), i'm fussy like that. please leave a comment if you enjoyed, i live for them and usually squeal like a dork when i get notified, so... yeah.


End file.
